I always try and remain positive - even when life is really screwing me over. Even when I have in the back of my head "this is just a life lesson" it can still feel like everything is out to get me. This week has been one of those weeks - everything is getting to me - every person seems to stress me out and although no one is doing anything in particular to upset me, I feel like I just want to hide in my room. But I've figured that it's okay to feel like that.
I think since coming back from America and having such an amazing time, it made me realise that some of the people I've hung around with aren't good for me....some! Whether it be them being negative all the time or feeling like they drain my energy - some even using me for personal gain. So I've made a conscious effort to focus on myself and my happiness and work! I think the stress of having to do the Halloween show again, 18 or so Christmas shows, worrying about my mum who's not very well and also added stress (that I'm not even allowed to write about until it's dealt with) has built up and is causing me to have moments of "I don't want to talk to anyone right now" But it will pass and I'll be back on form! I recently dropped some classes which I just don't make me happy and also introduced 2 new ones - including another 2 in the new year!
It can be so difficult doing this job as you're not sheltered from a sea of kids and parents, public, performers watching your every move. Most people can have a horrible day at the office and no one bats an eyelid. However kids pick up on the slightest thing (as I always say!) so even me slightly being "off" gets repercussions! I smile through gritted teeth sometimes and even fool myself when I get home and remind myself that I'm really not feeling too happy at the moment! I know it's just stress from the amount of work I'm doing - while juggling some kind of social life. I just think it's important that my blogs are true and honest. We live in a world now where everyone only puts their best picture on Instagram (filtered beyond belief) or SNAPCHAT their funny moments and SHARE the happy times - which can sometimes seem, to those outside the bubble, that your life is perfect and exciting and theirs are boring and dull! So here I am telling you - I am having a bad day / week and genuinely can't wait for it to pass. It's important for me to have bad days as it helps me reflect and also look forward to the good days I'm going to have!
The Halloween show was great and have to say a massive thank you to the team for baring the cold and also Steve who took the most awesome pictures! Thank you Steve partridge! (Check out Dragon Photography)
I'm not a HUGE fan of Christmas - I really do TRY and get into the season but I just think it's brought on too early and by the time the 5th December is here I'm sick to death of Christmas songs, presents, lights, cards and people with stupid Christmas hats on. I think "Christmas" should be BANNED until 1st December and even that is being generous! Pray for the shop I enter that's got Christmas songs playing in November because I will kick off. Lol. Last year I volunteered walking around the streets and spent Christmas day completely on my own - not for sympathy, but just because I wanted to be on my own and spend a day by myself to think about the year I'd had. This year I plan to do the same but we'll see. I look forward to boxing day more as usually open presents then and go to my best friends for his amazing dinner :)
The two shows are coming along nicely...still so much to do. I don't think the girls realise how much they need to pull fingers out of their ass this year and be organised, remember the choreography, hair, makeup, costumes - mainly because of how many shows are going out and I don't/won't have time to be worrying each night! But the last rehearsal was a success - lets hope this Sunday is just as good.
I'm debating on doing a kids Christmas party but it's always hit and miss... if you've any thoughts please let me know as I always appreciate any feedback! Hope you're all okay though - and having a better week than me! I'll be fine tomorrow after a good sleep and bottle (or two) of wine!
Much Love
Jay x x